An Essay – Silence

Silence

Have you ever heard a penny drop or the sound of the birds tweeting away on a sunny day, or even the sound of your own voice?  It has been a long time since I have heard anything?  What seems like a simple, little everyday thing for everyone else, for me, I do not hear a single sound, as I live in a world where everything is just silent and still, where there’s nothing but the quietness to contend with each and every day.

I do not think you ever get used to not being able to hear the sound of your own voice when you wake up in the morning, you just have to adapt to the lifestyle. I still have my bad days, when everything does get to me and gets me down, but let’s face it who wouldn’t.

I was born with hearing, and then one day there was nothing, not even a murmur. I do find it difficult when I am with a group of people, I sit there and watch everyone talking to each other, as I am unable to join in with the heated debate that they are having. I look around and watch as their words come out and see the expressions on their faces, and I just hope for the best that I have not nodded, or shaken my head at the wrong time.

You might think that it is good at times to have the peace and quiet so that you can shut the world out but its’ not, when all you are surrounded by, is the emptiness of no sound, not even a whisper. You are left feeling lonely and isolated as there is no sound coming through, and all I am left with is, nothing but the quietness where ever I go.

I ask myself how would they feel, if all they could hear was nothing but silence, or how would they react if all your life you could hear everything around you, then suddenly wake up the next day and everything has been snatched away from you. In the blink of an eye and everything has changed from that day onwards. The bleakness of where you cannot hear anything or anyone, not a single thing, the silence is deafening. Where everything is just so still.

Everywhere I go, all I can do is watch, and see those around me, going about their day. All the while I am struggling to accept that every day is the same, a life without sound. I now have to rely on all my other senses to get me through the day, and that we, me included have taken for granted,

I don’t think anyone could handle the quietness all the time, they would just go crazy, out of their mind and they would not cope, only they have a choice more than what I have.

There are some that take themselves off into another room, if they want some quiet time, that is a choice that they make, I have no choice, it was taken from me, without no warning; one minute I can hear, every sound going; the next it was dead silence and it has been like this for me, and it’s stayed that way ever since.

Don’t know why?

It did take me some time to get used to all of this after I was struck down by a mystery virus that has put me in this never-ending nightmare.

Every day is the same now I wake up hoping that I can hear mum pottering around downstairs, any kind of sound, would be a positive sign, but instead, I’m wishing and hoping that one morning I will wake up and I can hear again. Instead, it’s the same as every other day.

I’m trapped in a body with no way to escape, no way out. I have just my thoughts to contend with as no-one knows what it feels like to completely be trapped inside with just your thoughts for comfort and no way of escaping.

The silence can be so deafening at times, that you would give anything to be able to hear a single sound.

You hear of things like this happening to other people and hope that it never happens to you. I cannot say “why me, why not me”. I am no exception to the rules and I have just proven that otherwise, this would not be happening to me.

A life-changing event, that could happen to any one of us, your mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousins, best friend, neighbor or even someone you know by just passing in the street, if someone you think is ignoring you, maybe this has happened to them and they are finding their way and trying to adjust to their unfamiliar surroundings, and they are not really ignoring you, its just they never heard you speak to them, as they are trying to cope with the quietude of it all, and that they are finding it hard as this is unchartered territory for them, the not knowing the not understanding of what someone else is going through.

 

Have a great week!

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