20 Funny Quotes

Hi everyone, today I thought I would do some funny quotes to keep everyone’s spirits up in a time when the world is in chaos. I hope you all keep safe and find some sunshine, in a time when everywhere just looks so dark. I find humour to help me through anything, I just hope you can find the laughter inside of you.

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”  Mitch Hedberg

“A Good Friend would offer you an umbrella in the rain, a Best Friend would steal yours and say “Run Bitch Run!” Unknown

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” Jack Handey

“The elevator to success is out of order, you’ll have to use the stairs… One step at a time.” Joe Girard

“Roses are red, violets are blue a face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don’t you worry I’ll be there too, not in the cage, but laughing at you!” Unknown

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner

“I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks… I’m outstanding.” Anonymous

“Minds are like parachutes, they only function when open.” Thomas Dewar

“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” Ellen DeGeneres

“People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point… The glass is Refillable.” Unknown

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” Mark Twain

“Don’t be pushed by your problems, be led by your dreams.” Anonymous

“A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend laughs in your face, and trips you again!!” Anonymous

“When your right, no one remembers. When you’re wrong, no one forgets.” Unknown

“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg

“Instead of LOL why don’t you try LOLWKASF: Laughing Out Loud While Keeping A Straight Face.” Anonymous

“Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.” Unknown

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” Steven Wright

“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… That’s why it’s called a cell phone.” Anonymous

“I was asked to name all the presidents, I thought they already had names.” Dimitri Martin

See you all next week!

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