30 Funny quotes

Hi everyone, I hope you had a good Christmas and New Year that you possibly could have, inspite of these difficult times, especially with everything that is going on in the world today, I thought that I would do my blog based on funny quotes that are sure to put a smile on your face.

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” Mitch Hedberg

“My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

“Someone asked me if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.” Steven Wright

Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.”
Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” Dave Barry

There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” George Burns

 “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

“From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” Jarod Kintz

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” Robin Williams

Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.”
Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

“I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” Bob Hope

Police officer: “Pull over.”
Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” Anonymous

“Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

 “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.” Maria Bamford

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” Zach Galifianakis

Thank you for stopping by to read this weeks post. Keep safe and I will see you all next week!

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